12 ways to deal with a stubborn toddler

Almost all toddlers go through this phase from 18 months. Being a mommy of a toddler, I know how challenging this is. Here is how I am dealing with my sweetheart’s tantrums.

        Credit: pexels

Parenting is sheer happiness. Children are pure bliss. 

These little angels make the surroundings less tense and more refreshing. They catch your attention and make you smile even when you do not know them. Their presence alone is so powerful and phenomenal that you forget every challenging moment when you are around them.

Yet, when these bundles of joy get sarcastic or stubborn; life feels as hard as hell.

What is Stubbornness?

Oxford Dictionary describes stubbornness as "(often disapproving) determination not to change your opinion or attitude"

Psychology defines stubbornness as following:

"Stubbornness is a personality trait in which a person refuses to change their opinion about something or refuses to change their mind about a decision that they’ve made."

As you are facing this unruly behaviour of your little one; here are some ways to better understand your toddler and make your journey a little bit easier:

Find the reason for their stubbornness:

There are many reasons for stubbornness in children. It might be some underlying health issue that is making them irritant or maybe excessive pampering is the reason for their obstinate behaviour as they are not used to listening “No”.

This stubbornness also could be situational. If the child is not always strong-willed then dig into the situation and find out the factors that are making him irritable.  

Also, it is important to note that they, as other normal human beings, get tired of obeying all the time. They are not programmable robots, they are human beings and they want to take control of their life in their hands sometime. It is completely normal; let them enjoy some freedom by deciding things themselves.

Give them choices:

Toddlers want to have control over their lives and this hurts them when we, as parents, control their life by telling them what to do and what not to do. So, let them experience freedom by giving them choices; this would make them feel they are as free-willed as us, the parents. 

Example:

Would you like to do your homework first or tidying up your room?

Offering options to kids not only makes the work easier but also lets the kids learn how to prioritise the things better; a life-long used skill. 

3. Don't say No too often:

Try excluding negative words like "No", "Cannot", "would not" etc from your routine as these promote negative behaviour in individuals (so impact the toddlers). 

Rather than saying "no" reply with assertive phrases when responding to your little one. 

Example:

Incorrect: "No, you cannot watch cartoons."

Correct: "Let's play with the ball instead."

Incorrect: "Don't touch the phone!"

Correct: "Let's place the phone on the side-table and go outside."

4. Engage them in activities around you:

When sensitive toddlers face situations that make them uncomfortable they get irritated and react strongly. Instead of leaving them vulnerable to such situations, engage them in activities with you. This does not to be time-consuming for you as you can invite them to do exactly what you are busy with. 

Example 1: If you are busy in kitchen; give your little one a bowl, some flour, some water, a little quantity of oil and food colour so he can make colourful dough for him to play later on(guided practice on day one); this will not only engage them positively but also give him sense of accomplishment.

Example 2: Doing the laundry? Let him rinse his socks himself.

5. Don't lose your calm 

It is easy to lose your temper when things don't happen the way you want yet being a responsible parent you have to keep your calm as yelling at your defiant little one will make the situation even worse. 

Take a deep breath, settle down; embrace your little love and ask him why he is behaving so strangely and how can you make things better for him. Do not get tense if he does not communicate his emotions;it takes time, and it happens slowly to learn and describe emotions for little angels. Ease the process by giving them options to 

Example 1: Why are you feeling bad? Because your father attended you late or because you did not like your breakfast?

6. Try to see things from their perspective: 

Strong-willed toddlers are very sensitive and reactive to how people treat them. So behave mindfully with these beautiful tiny creatures. 

They react strongly when anything happens that hurts their feelings and doesn't meet their expectations. Try to put yourself in their shoes to figure out and cope with things better.

Example 1: Little one is too angry; maybe someone from your family has called him names. 

Example 2: Little one is crying too badly; you may have hurt his feelings by sharing something bad about him on the call with your aunt. (he understands as much as he adores you, gearing him up to do something!)

7. Don't compare your toddler:

Every human being is unique. No one is born with the same skill set so it is not appropriate to compare one with another. 

The comparison does not bring any betterment instead it makes individuals feel inferior and causes unpleasant behavioural changes in their personalities.

It causes deep-set emotional bruises which are difficult to heal and can result in aggression, antagonism, and resentment. So, instead of comparing your child, motivate him for continuous progress.

Example: "Wow! Your drawing is even better than yesterday. You're honing your skill day by day; I am excited for what's coming up tomorrow!"

8. Let them take decisions:

Imagine your life being controlled by someone else, surely it is not a comfortable feeling when someone else is taking decisions about your life. A child feels the same when you decide everything he needs to do or not to do. Let your little one decide things himself sometimes so he does not crave for taking things in his hand and as consequently behave adamantly. 

Example 1: Would you like to wear grey shirt today  or that blue one?

Example 2: What do you want me to cook for you today?

9. Diverse is Beautiful:

Do not get upset by comparing your one child with one another. Enjoy the diversity of nature in kids as diversity is always beautiful. Kids with the same nature would make life  monotonous while diverse ones would make it interesting. So appreciate the difference of natures instead of getting disturbed. 

10. Set a Predetermined Routine 

Children act adamantly when they are ordered every day to perform similar tasks, instead of asking them to do something or simply expecting them to act the way you want; set a Predetermined routine so it's clear to follow it without your command. 

11. Don't let society pressurise you:

Society has a very powerful impact on us, social beings.  When kids don't act in accordance with social norms, societal pressure bewilders the parents and results in parents-kids unpleasant relationships so do not let society impact your relationship with your child otherwise it could result in their rebellious reaction. 

12. Enjoy the time!

Everything in the end gets mended but this golden time with your child won't come back. You and he will remember it once it's gone so make this treasure of memories as beautiful as you can. Pamper your child, understand his feelings, develop closeness with him, take snaps of his activities and be grateful for what you have.